


for now it gets me by

by redrocketracer



Category: South Park
Genre: And finds it again when kenny becomes his muse, Angst, Craig is an artist who lost his passion, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Kenny is a father, M/M, Past creek, They are all in their late 20s, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:49:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrocketracer/pseuds/redrocketracer
Summary: Let's keep it quiet, keep me honest, keep me trueKeep me in love; keep me believing it's with youBut who's gonna push my wheelchair around when I get sick?God forbid I ever stop feeling sorry for myself, for being selfishThis is not the way I plan on living for the rest of my lifeBut for right now, it gets me by, it gets me by      Craig ends his relationship with Tweek at age 27. He's been keeping up this friendship masked as a relationship for years, and as his art becomes more and more frustrating to produce, so does his relationship with the other male. He moves back to South Park, where he forms a relationships with Kenny Mccormick. Kenny, who has a little girl with wild curls and a love for flowers. Kenny always wanted Craig, and now finally has him. Even if Craig sometimes keeps a safe distance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in awhile. Wmu's next chapter lays in my documents, waiting to be finished. But i needed to write this. It's heavily based off my past relationship with my best friend, my current one with my boyfriend, and art. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got my own muse back. This was hard to write for awhile. Thank you for your patience.

Craig is with Tweek until he is 27 years old. They were together throughout elementary school and stayed together throughout the course of middle and highschool. There was no break, no times in between. It started off as forced friendship but it progressed. As they got spent more time together they became close and it led to another level.

It was sweet in moments. Craig was the anchor that kept Tweek in place. When they first had sex it was gentle, safe. When Craig started taking AP art classes, Tweek would sit down and let Craig draw him. When Tweek would do his plays at school or in local theatre, Craig would be there in the front row. They were together for countless birthdays, holidays, everything. Always consistently there for each other.

And Craig loves Tweek, they’ll always have a part of each other. They both grew together. But the title of boyfriends feels more out of obligation because it’s been there for so long. Craig loves Tweek but he doesn’t think he has ever been in love with him. He never felt the sparks. The passion. The feeling that they’d be together until they’re old and gray.

It was something you knew, like writing or math. As it progresses, you either use it for everyday purpose, coming naturally and you just know. Two times two? Simple. Signing your name on a check? Got it.

Or it becomes something you invest in, do simply because you love it. Intricate equations, poetry and literature. A passion. 

Tweek was the first of the two.

He dragged out years of friendship masked as a relationship for years, and he can’t really explain why. They grew together, and grew apart together.

That’s why, on their anniversary, when Ruby asks when he is going to propose to Tweek, he stays quiet. His pencil taps his sketchbook. The question frustrates him. He is usually so overwhelmed lately. His eyes stay glued to the paper. Craig can’t draw. He can’t draw anything that means something to him anymore. He can’t draw anything he likes. It all looks terrible. He can’t draw, and he can’t feel anything towards Tweek. He can’t see himself spending his life with Tweek, and he can’t fucking draw. And these are the two things he has always known throughout his life and both frustrate him.

He drops his pencil.

“I don’t know.” He’ll say after sitting there in a silence for a long time. Ruby is staring at him, and Craig swears she knows. She always knows.

He breaks up with Tweek a week later. There isn’t a huge argument or fight about it.

“I think it for the best, man.” Tweek says in response. He’s bundled up in a warm green turtle neck and seated next to Craig on their couch in Denver. His fingers are curled around the handle of his coffee mug. He places it down on the table, and Craig reaches for him. They wrap each other up in their arms. It’s safe. But it’s not love. Not the kind of commit to in marriage. Not the kind to spend the rest of your life with.

Craig packs his stuff up, arranging to move into Clyde’s apartment and split the rent with him. Within a month and a few weeks Tweek takes their old apartment, having enough money to pay for himself. Craig quits his job at the art studio he works at, and fills out a few applications at the local stores in South Park.

It all plays out smoothly. By the third week with Clyde, Craig’s old boss at the jmart recognizes his name, and he’s got a full time position as a manager. It’s not the way he plans to live the rest of his life, but for now it gets him by.

His room is jam packed with artwork. An art desk splatted with paints and ink. Canvases hanging up, drawings and sketches. It’s a hot, artistic mess. And it makes Craig feel sick. He keeps the art up for a week after working at jmart before he rips them all down and packs them away. He can’t look at it. He can’t find his desire to create and he can’t stand to look at what he has created. The room remains empty, minus Craig’s desk, his bed and one lonely poster that shows the solar system.

He goes home and returns to this every night. Occasionally visits his parents, answers phone calls from Ruby who updates him on Tweek, she also lives in Denver. He eats dinner in front of the tv with Clyde and goes to sleep late in the night. It’s a dull life. And it goes on like that for three months until Craig decides to start jogging.

The first morning is cold and Damp, the second proceeds to be so too. The early morning weather doesn’t let up. And Craig hates to exercise. Doesn’t feel like he need to lose weight, he’s content with his thin, lanky body. But he thinks. He tries to seek out some form of inspiration, chases the ideas that just seem to slip past him. As if running will get him closer and closer. He does this for weeks.

Craig always comes to a halt at Starks pond. On that particular day he leans forward, hands on his thighs as he takes in deep breathes. The wind licks at his exposed flesh and sweat rolls down his forehead. He takes a seat on a bench eventually. His gaze falls out at the water. It’s quiet, just bird sound and nature noises. It’s quiet until Craig hears squeals of delight. Craig turns his head in the direction it’s coming from, dark brown eyes falling on the tiny figure of a little girl with wild, blond hair. He looks up, and he sees a male chasing after the little girl. Eyelashes kissing the apples of his cheeks, blond hair sticking up all over the place, curling around the frame his face. Freckles noticeably adorn said male. Kenny Mccormick. His body fills out his clothes much better than they did when they were kids. He’s gained a bit of weight and height.

Craig had heard Kenny had a child with Bebe Stevens awhile back. And the little girl must be her. Kenny scoops her up in his arms and she leans in to kiss his nose. Craig watches the smile that writes itself on Kenny’s face. Dimpled and gap toothed. He places the girl back down and takes a seat next to Craig. Craig looks at him as his eyes follow the child.

“Long time no see, Craig.” Kenny says. Craig looks to him and Kenny keeps his attention on the kid. She is pulling long grass and weeds from the ground. Craig watches as she hands it to Kenny and he takes it from her.

“Yeah,” he starts, seeing the love and care Kenny shows towards his daughter. It’s weird because Craig never sought Kenny out to be a family man. It kind of contradicts the whole persona he displayed. But then again, he did a lot for and loved his sister and brother so much, Craig remembers witnessing it when Karen and Ruby were friends. The two drifted apart in highschool, but Craig remembers it. He guesses Kenny isn’t two dimensional.

“Whats her name?” Craig pries. Kenny still watches the girl as she spins around in circles, making happy little noises.

“Her name is Fey.” She’s digging up more grass. And when she’s done gathering it up in her tiny hands she steps towards Craig. Kenny is looking at them now, watching as Fey holds out her hands to Craig. They are full of dirt and grass, and it’s almost as if she thinks they’re a bouquet of flowers.

“Hey now Fey, non of that. Leave Craig alone.” He stands and scoops the little one up in his hands. She tugs at his blond bangs, squealing with delight.

“it’s alright.” Craig says as he picks up the grass from where Fey dropped it. She makes happy noises towards Craig as he shows her it.

“Thank you.” He says, dry and nasal. Kenny smiles at her. Craig is about to turn around and leave when Kenny calls out to him.

“Craig…wait. I wanted to ask.” Craig looks over his shoulder to him and turns his whole body in Kenny’s direction. His dark brown eyes stare at blue and the look Kenny is giving him makes him stuff his hand in his pockets and looks down at the ground, away from those blue eyes.

“Yeah?” he questions, waiting for a response. He looks back up at Kenny and he is still staring at him, curious.

“I wanted to know if I could take you out tomorrow.” Craig’s mouth open and closes for a few seconds. Kenny is asking him on a date? Craig feels his ears heating up. They are so big and awkward and stick out, it’s why he always wore hats, and they are a little pink right now.  
“What?” he sputters out, at a lose for anything else to say. Kenny is still watching his movements as he embarrassingly reaches a hand up to the back of his neck.

“I mean, yeah. Sure.” He says, finally. That smile returns to Kenny’s face and Fey has her head buried in Kenny’s chest. He is lightly stroking her hair.

“Cool. Do you have a pen?” and Craig does, he always carries one in case he’ll get hit with an idea. He nods and pulls it out.

“Write your number on my hand.” Kenny’s arms are full but his hands are visible. Craig hesitates before writing down his number. Kenny beams at him, and then eventually Craig waves goodbye.

He jogs the rest of the way home, and when he checks his phone he has a text from Kenny telling him a good time and place to meet up. Craig almost thinks about standing Kenny up. His life is a mundane, plain and boring routine. Work, home, cook, couch and tv, sleep, repeat. It’s safe.

He brings it up to Clyde, it’s brief and in passing. The other male pops a handful of popcorn in his mouth, eyes glued to the tv. He’s sitting on the edge of the couch, leaned over. Craig lays down next to him, knees pulled up to his tummy, a little ball.

“Maybe he wants ass. You know how Kenny is, gave me my first porno, hooked me up with Red.” Craig makes a disgusted face at that. Red is his cousin, and that’s not a thought he wants to think about. He is happy that relationship never worked out, and Red is married to Kevin Stoley. There is a safe distance that him and Kevin always had.

Craig doesn’t respond but he can feel the heat on his ears.

The next day when he comes home from an earlier shift he decides he will go. He tugs off his work clothes and pulls out one of his too big sweaters. It’s black and dips at the neckline, revealing an expanse of shoulder and collarbone. He stands in his mirror, staring at his bare thighs. Finally, he pulls on some blue jeans and stuffs his wallet in his pocket.

They decided on Milly’s old family diner at six. It’s a little mom and pop place at the edge of town. Countless party nights, play nights, art exhibits ended here. And it’s weird being there without Tweek or Ruby or even Karen, but Craig tries not to think about it.

Craig sits on the bench in the front for about five minutes, car parked and locked. He waits for Kenny not too long before Craig sees him pulling up in a truck. It’s a bit nicer than the one he had in high school, but it’s still rather old looking. Kenny turns off his car and hops down from his truck. He locks it behind him, and is shoving the keys in his pockets as he walks towards Craig.

Kenny holds his hand out for Craig and Craig grabs it, being lifted up. They make their way inside and are seated in a booth by the door. It’s a bit quiet as they look through the menu. But Kenny fills it a bit by asking Craig what he thinks looks good. And Craig says that the black bean burger looks good, he’s never been a vegetarian or vegan but he loves the substitute for meat.

They place their order and their menus are taken, drinks placed in front of them. And are left with each other. Kenny beams at him.

“So what have you been up to in the past few years, Craig? I heard you and Tweek broke up.”

Craig looks up from his drink and taps his fingers on the table, calculating his response.

“I was living in Denver, working at a studio. I did that for about 5 years after I graduated from the college up there.” He doesn’t mention the frustration he felt with his art or that he hasn’t drawn in two years.

“Yeah, it just wasn’t right with Tweek “ he says it in his nasal voice and his hand rubs at his neck. He doesn’t explain the tied in frustration with his relationship either. He’s keeping Kenny at an arms length. Just to be safe.

“That’s a shame.” Kenny says. Normally people mention how ‘great!’ they were for each other. How they have been together so long, how they were always there. But he doesn’t get that from Kenny, and Craig is silently grateful for it.

“I had Fey three years ago. Bebe and I hooked up after I ended my relationship with Tammy, and before I knew it she was telling me she was pregnant. I get Fey every weekend.” He explains, taking a sip of his lemonade, and Craig watches as he places it down.

“She’s a blessing in disguise.” He says. Craig lets out a smile and looks down at the advertisement on the table for the diners beers.

They continue talking for a while about South Park and how it hasn’t really changed, and how the highschool even looks the same. Kenny explains how he is living in a studio apartment over some old couples house, how he works early shifts as a nurse at Hell’s Pass consistently. When their food is placed down there is a comfortable silence that falls among them. Craig picks at his fries. He has a question that he wants to ask, and after mulling it over he blurts it out.

“Why did you ask me here Kenny?” Craig pries. He drops the french fry he was turning over and Kenny places down his cheese burger. He looks at Craig, really looks at him in a way that makes Craig’s stomach do a little flip.

“I’ve always been interested in you Craig.” He starts and their eyes meet, blue on dark brown.

“You just always belonged to someone else.” Kenny is leaning forward, closer to the other male and Craig’s lips part.

“I wanted to know if you wanted to have sex.” Kenny suggests. Craig swallows the lump in his throat. Of course. Clyde was right, Kenny wants ass. He swirls his straw in his drink, trying to find the right words.

“I’ll think about it.” Craig reponds. Kenny smiles at him, and they finish their meal. It’s quiet and Kenny steals glances every once and awhile.

After they part ways, Craig drives away in his ford festiva and Kenny in his truck. Clyde isn’t home when Craig gets home. And he drops he wallet on the table by the front door.

He thinks about the night. Thinks about Kenny’s offer. It starts off as a passing thought until Craig turns off the light in his room. It quickly starts to override all over thoughts. When was the last time Craig has had sex? Tweek and him haven’t fucked in a few years, even. Kenny has big hands, he’s wider than Craig. And he imagines those hands gripping him, pulling at his hair, those blue eyes on Craig as he fucks into him. Craig was usually on top, but the idea of being dominated fucks him up.

He thinks about it that night. Needy and horny as he yanks on his dick, little moans escaping his lips until he cums all over his stomach. He thinks about it as he comes down, swallowing down the neediness he feels.

He thinks about it for the next few days. He thinks about it at work. He thinks about it in his car. He thinks about it as Clyde asks him how is day was and he has to pause to even remember what happened. He thinks about it as he showers, cumming all over his hands, his semen being washed away by the constant stream of water and swirling down the drain.

He thinks about it until it’s the next Monday and he is shaking with need. Craig is typing in what he remembers of Kenny’s number and eventually it shows up on his screen. He presses call, and it gets to the fourth ring when Kenny finally answers. Craig gulps and speaks.

“Hey. Yeah. It’s Craig. I was wondering if you are free in about half an hour. What? Yeah, I can come in the next 10 minutes. Yeah. Text me your address…ok, bye.” He says as there is silence on the other line. The call is dropped, and he stands in the dim lighting of his kitchen. Eventually he makes his way to the front door. He pulls his coat on over his uniform, stuffs his feet in his shoes, grabs his keys off the table. He makes his way out into the parking lot and finds his car where it is usually parked. There is a buzz underneath Craig’s skin and he thinks about it, thinks of Kenny, thinks of himself, thinks of them together. He thinks about it until he is climbing the stairs to the studio apartment. He thinks about it until he is knocking on Kenny’s door. He thinks about it as he shakes off his jacket, dropping it to the floor as Kenny quickly jumps into action. He thinks about it until Kenny’s hands are cupping his face.

His finger tips gently brush against Craig’s cheek and finally, finally those lips are on him. And he’s being pushed against the door, and Kenny is so softly licking at his lips, and his hands find their way to blond locks. Craig stops thinking and it goes blank as they make their way to Kenny’s bed, Craig falling back and Kenny crawling on top of him. Craig lets his legs wrap around Kenny’s middle and he gently thrust against him, needy and yearning for this.

He needed this for so long and didn’t know it. Kenny is sucking hickeys into his neck, biting his ears and he lets out little broken inhales.

“You sound so fucking good.” Kenny says as he kisses at Craig’s cheeks. For being so quiet all the time, Craig is pretty loud in bed. Kenny yanks at his shirt, tugging it up and over him. It’s an ugly green, but under it is pale expanse of pretty flushed flesh. Kenny kisses Craig’s chest.

“Beautiful.” He says and he yanks off his white tshirt. Craig watches him and bites at his bottom lip. Kenny is unbuttoning his pants and Craig feels around on Kenny’s nightstand.

“Do you have any condoms, lube?” he questions Kenny stops what he is doing and pulls open the draw. He digs around, until he finally finds one single condom and a bottle of lube. He places them to the side and finishes taking off his pants and underwear. When he is done he looks down at Craig underneath him. Leaning up on his elbows, chest rising and falling, cheeks flushed. Kenny runs his hands down Craig’s chest and unbuttons his pants as if it ia a candy wrapper. They’re ugly khakis, and Kenny is happy to dispose of them. He pulls at Craig’s underwear, and Craigs maneuvers himself so he can get out of them. Kenny’s hand reaches for Craig’s dick, and he runs his thumb over the head, smearing the precum that drips from it.

Kenny has a little tummy and he’s soft, and Craig loves it. It’s a contrast from Tweek who was all bones and flesh. While he liked that, he likes this.

Kenny pours some lube onto his hands, coating his fingers with it. He spreads Craig’s legs and teases the hole a bit, before gently pushing in. Craig’s breath hitches a bit, but he pushes down on the fingers, although it hurts a bit at first, he loves feeling whole. Soon Kenny has a finger buried in Craig and he moves, slow at first. But he hears Craig let out a little moan and he goes a bit faster, eventually he adds another finger and he’s fucking Craig with his fingers. Craig sounds so good to him, and Kenny presses his lips to Craig’s and swallows those noises.

Eventually he pulls out and a whine escapes those lips. Kenny presses a kiss to them, and grabs the condom wrapper, rolling it on his dick. He pours a bit more lube onto his hands and covers his dick with it, and he begins to position himself. Craig arches up for it and Kenny begins to push in. It’s tight, and Kenny’s thick. It hurts Craig a bit but soon Kenny’s moving and he’s moving with him. It feels so fucking good, being this full, eventually a sweet spot is hit and Craig is loud. Kenny’s goes faster, cursing under his breath as he fucks Craig. Before he knows it he is cumming, yanking on Craig’s dick, waiting for him to reach that point too. After a few more pulls Craig is cumming all over Kenny’s hand. Kenny stays in him for a few seconds, slowly pulling out.

He licks his lips and and curses, before laying down next to Craig, catching his breath. They lay like that for a few moments before Kenny pulls the other male into his arms. Craig falls asleep in Kenny’s arms, and Kenny places a kiss on top of his head. He falls asleep soon after too.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Craig departs from Kenny's apartment when the sun is rising. It's bright, little rays filtering in through the blinds above Kenny's bed. It tickles Craig until he wakes. His dark brown eyes open to Kenny’s bare, freckled shoulders.

He’s beautiful. The first thought that comes to Craig’s head is this. Craig closes his eyes to pitch black, lays in the same position he fell asleep in. On his side, arms tucked under himself. Somewhere along the line he shook off Kenny’s hold. Feeling as if cuddling was too personal. It’s weird because what they did should be the more intimate of the two. He sits up in Kenny's bed, brown eyes opening and taking in the others apartment. It's small, littered with clothes thrown all over the floor. Posters of pretty girls and men. Trash on his nightstand.

Fingers gingerly brush against the surface of the sheets. Right where there is a stain from the night before. His brown eyes drift up to Kenny’s slumbering frame. Watches as he takes gentle inhales and exhales. His shoulder subtly rising and falling with each breath. He stands and tucks Kenny into his covers. Craig can't find his own clothes among the ones scattered across the floor and opts to just pick up a shirt he finds. Some tshirt with a mouse on it. Some sweat pants. Craig finds his keys in the kitchen. He leaves with many traces that he was there. Clothes somewhere among Kenny's, the bed made. The little cum stain on Kenny's sheets. The scent of his shampoo imprinted on Kenny's pillow.

They were all there, but probably somewhere lost. No one would know of this night. It was a fit of horny desperation.

Craig closes the door behind him. Gets in his car and drives back to his and Clyde's apartment. He hopes Clyde went to work, but as he steps into their place he is greeted by him. A coffee mug is in his grip, Clyde is clad in boxers. His hairy tummy and chest exposed. His hazel eyes stare at Craig's form. The too big mouse shirt, the baggy, but short sweats, messed up hair, hickies forming on his neck and shoulders.

“So.” He says, nasal. The mug is placed down on the counter. Craig closes the door, and slips off his shoes. Clyde watches his every movement. He was dull as nails, but Clyde knew Craig better than he knew himself.

“How was Kenny?” He asks, a grin spreading across his chubby face. Craig flicks him off and retreats to his room. He ignores Clyde call of “you're no fun!” and holes himself in the safe confines of his living space. It's dimly lit, and he sits at the edge of his bed. Eyelids shield dark browns, and he covers his face with his hand.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Craig’s hand drops and he stares at his poster of the solar system. Heart a drum in his ears. Usually what he couldn't convey with words or his body was expressed through art. Craig almost has an urge to draw, and he feels around for a pen. When he finds one and it's in his hold he taps it against his thigh. But there is nothing.

Nothing at all.

*

Craig is ringing a customer up when he sees messy blond hair. Orange jacket and a flower stuffed in the space between ear and head. It’s a Friday, the sun low with saturated colors bleeding together to adorn it’s setting. It’s been two weeks since he and Kenny slept together. Craig has avoided confrontation, and Kenny hasn’t really texted him.

Just one, odd and misspelled text that Craig thinks Kenny might not have been sober while sending.

“I mis u”

It’s a contrast from the usually playful, but correctly constructed texts Kenny would leave him.

When the customer he was assisting leaves with their bag handle twisted around their wrist, Craig notices Fey. She looks cranky, face red and tears rolling down her cheeks. Her tiny hand is gripping onto Kenny’s and a plastic rose is in her free fist.

“Hey, Craig.” Kenny beams at him, friendly and open. Fey looks up at him, her blue eyes blinking tears out of their hold.

She extends her hand with the little rose to him.

“Creyg” she says, waving the rose at him. Craig takes the flower and rolls it by it’s stem, watching it spin. A small smile finds it’s way to his lips as he hears Fey giggle.

“Hello, Fey.” He says, voice nasal and a bit quiet. He swipes the plastic rose’s tag across the scanner’s body. Watching the price come up on the screen. Kenny places down his own items, taking the daisy out from behind his ear. It’s just a bunch of plastic roses and daisies. Craig doesn’t question it, but Kenny gives him answers anyways.

“We’re making something for Bebe, since it’s valentines day. You know?” Kenny elaborates. He taps his finger against the surface of the counter Craig is behind. Blue eyes staring into him. Fey is standing on her tiptoes to look at the candy, her wild curls bouncing as she falls flat on her feet. Tip toes and then flat again.

Craig’s eyes drift from her to Kenny.

“Ok.” He responds simply. There are no customers, jmart isn’t really packed today. Today is also one of those days where they were low staffed. Leaving Craig at the cashier with more time for conversation he doesn’t want to have.

“Was wondering if you’d want to help, I mean. I know you’re an artist. Tammy and i used to go to your exhibitions...” Kenny babbles on. Craig gulps down the lump in his throat. The thought of helping anyone artistically when he can’t help himself makes him feel sick.

He shakes he head, no.

“I can’t. I. Uh. Plans with my mother.” He half lies. He has had intentions to visit her, but always avoided it. Craig is not far from his mother but he feels far. It’s as if he hadn’t moved back at all.

“Oh...okay.” Kenny responds. He scoops Fey up in one arm. Plants a kiss to her forehead.

He smiles at Craig, soft and gentle. There is an underline hurt, somewhere. It makes Craig ache for something that he can’t pinpoint. As Kenny retreats, goes to leave the store, Craig calls out to him.

“I can send you some ideas. I mean.” Kenny looks over his shoulder at him, and Fey has her head buried in Kenny’s chest. Looking sleepy and worn down.

“Through text.” Craig offers. Kenny smiles again, toothy, exposing gapped teeth.

“I’d like that.” He lifts his hand with the bag of flowers up, waves goodbye. Fey looks over his shoulder and waves her tiny hand at him, too.

*

When Craig gets home, it’s to a dimly lit apartment. Clyde is working a late shift. Not expected to be home for quite some time.

Craig places his keys on the table next to the door. Kicks off his shoes and shrugs his jacket off, throwing it on the couch as he passes the living room. When he gets to his room he pauses. His hand hovering over the handle.

His heart hammers and again he feels that aching. That yearning. Craig’s grip on the doorknob falls and he stands there, in front of his door, lost.

The cellphone in his pocket suddenly feels like a weight. Craig feels around for it, pulling it out. It’s heavy in his hands.

His finger hovers over Kenny’s text. For some reason, the anxiety he has related to his art seems to be overpowered by this desire to just not be alone. Craig thinks that is what this is, he can’t really tell.

He calls Kenny, once again. Craig can taste the familiarity of it, and he feels almost embarrassed.

Kenny picks up by the third ring, there is muffled talking before he answers with a “hello?”

“Uh. Hey. I can help, with the valentines thing.” Craig starts into the phones speaker. He taps his foot against the carpet, free hand fiddling with his door handle.

“Man, yeah. That’d be awesome. Come on over. We just got finished eating.”

Kenny responds, there is the sound of child like babble in the background. Kenny makes a hush noise, there is the sound of the speaker rustling before his voice comes back.

“You remember the address?” Kenny questions, and Craig pauses. His finger that is circling the little bronze lock of the doorknob comes to a halt.

  
“Yeah, i do.” He says, letting his arm drop to his side. After a few seconds of Kenny chattering, Craig says goodbye, places the phone into his uniform pocket. He then realizes that again, he’s clad in tacky work attire.

The familiarity is there, it’s always there. Life has a lot of compare and contrasts to it, this is a comparison. Craig knows the contrast. They’re not going to have sex. This is simply Craig feeling lonely, not desperate horniness. This is Craig helping someone out. Maybe it would be good anyways. It’s been so long since he worked on something...

He’s grabbed his coat and is out the door in a matter of minutes.

Another comparison: the ride there. Little bubbles of anxiety float up from Craig’s stomach to his chest. He’s thinking again, about being around Kenny. About what he’s supposed to say. Should he have changed? Combed out his usually neat hair? It’s longer than usual, curling around his ears. Sticking up at odd angles. Should he have shaved? Under his lip and his chin has rough little stubble that has grown.

Craig’s routine has been thrown slightly off course with their hook up. It’s simple: a haircut every few months. A shave and jog every morning. Everyday things.

However, something was shifted. He was a few feet away from diving. A safe enough distance. Now it’s like a glass of milk just barely secure from falling off the edge.

Instead of his usual shave, a jog, a waffle.

It’s a cup of coffee, a walk through downtown. Sometimes Craig passes Tweek’s parents coffee shop. His mind briefly falls on Tweek. A part of Craig misses him, just not in a romantic sense.

He misses familiarity and comfort and safety. He doesn’t miss the oddly disconnected feeling he had. Like there was a string binding them that has been cut in half. Like he was surrounded by strings but didn’t know which one was his, where it was going or connected to.

He still feels like he’a trying to find that string. Sleeping with Kenny somehow made it all the more tangled. Like he was close, but it kept falling out of his hold.

Craig is thinking and thinking. As he pulls up to Kenny’s, he gulps down the lump that has formed in his throat.

The thinking comes to a halt and Craig stares with brown eyes up at the lit window of the apartment. He knows that just up those steps is the very place where he slept with Kenny two weeks ago. His thoughts are muted, as if they are trying to burst through a barrier but can’t. He knows, but it’s like his mind is frozen. So are his hands.

Craig’s thumb rests on the button of his seatbelt. Stuck. He takes a deep breath. Closes his eyes. Exhale.

  
And unbuckle.

  
Right, here goes.

He crosses the distance from where he is parked to the stairs that lead to Kenny’s apartment. Craig can hear the muffled noises from where he stands. The sound of some rock song. Footsteps. Fey’s laughter.

“I filled my quota of boys with acoustic guitars....”

Craig reaches a hand up to knock, but as he does so the door swings open. The sound of the girl rock band instantly becomes louder, but Craig doesn’t focus on that. Kenny stands there, arms full of Craig’s work uniform. The one he left that night. Placed on top of the neatly folded clothes is his favorite pen.

It’s a fancy thing, something he got at a planetarium one summer. Craig carries it everywhere. He doesn’t know how he missed it. Though it makes sense, really. He’s brought back to that stuck feeling. Desire to just create, but not being able to.

“Oh.” Craig spits out. Kenny smiles at him, his fingers curled around the doorframe.

“Nice to see you, Kenny?” Kenny speaks for Craig, teasingly. It’s not anywhere near what Craig was going to vocalize. He finds a soft smile forming on his lips, however.

“Yeah.” Craig Says. He feels a weird comfort, as if the anxiety he was so overwhelmed with has melted just a bit. His heart stammers in his ears. It’s not from fear. Something else, sweeter.

“It is.” Craig is surprised that he doesn’t feel like he’s lying when he says it. He can’t comprehend it. It’s as if the closeness, Kenny’s lightness, playfulness has somehow gave Craig a hold of that string again, like he’s got a good grip.

Like he’s almost there, even if it’s just a tiny moment.

Fey bounces her way over to the door. She has plastic flowers weaved into her curls. Glitter all over her dress. She grabs onto Craig’s hand and pulls him passed Kenny.

Craig looks back at him, perplexed. Kenny just shrugs and smiles at him. He follows after the two, placing Craig’s belongings on his bed as he passes it.

“Mommy likes roses.” Fey points to a huge, construction paper heart. There is glitter sloppily glued on, red contrasting with light, baby pink. Roses and daises taped and glued on. In a neat, loopy script it reads ‘from Fey and Kenny.’

Craig touches it, fingertips brushing against the surface of paper. Again, he finds a smile forming.

He used to teach art to kids, there is a raw beauty to it. Kids don’t lie. An honesty is found in children’s artwork that Craig doesn’t see in adults. He doesn’t know where that line becomes blurry. How reservation and secrets become sewn into a human.

  
“I’m sure she’ll love it.” Craig lets out. His voice is nasal, as always. Fey still has a hold on his hand and she pulls Craig towards the kitchen table, where everything is set.

It’s simple, plates full of baked chicken, Mac and cheese, peas with carrots.

This is when Craig realizes that Kenny probably didn’t need his help.

He throws a look at the other. Dark lashes falling in front of brown eyes. Brows furrowed. Mouth a straight line. Typical cold, apathetic, resting bitch face.

Kenny has the gull to smile at him, pulling out a seat to sit across from where Craig assumes he is supposed to sit.

“Daddy make dinner!” Fey squeals out happily. She climbs into the chair next to Kenny. Craig lets out a sigh and sits across from Kenny. He wants to be angry but can’t find it in himself. Instead, he plays along.

He sits and looks up at Kenny. He is again stricken with the beauty of the other. Blue eyes that are shielded by blond lashes. Soft skin, freckles painted on flesh. Thicker than what he used to be, thicker than Craig. Still small, though. A soft, tiny tummy. Craig remembers the way Kenny felt above him and the way he stared down at Craig as he fucked the life out of him. God, that’s beautiful.

It’s weird, because Craig tried to push down those thoughts for two weeks. Like he’d be burnt for having them. Here it is though. Loud and ringin throughout his head.

They talk, engaging Fey in conversation about her art and Bebe. Kenny cracking jokes, Craig letting himself laugh. Fey looking sleepier and sleepier. The music was turned off from Kenny’s phone at some point. When they are done, Kenny scoops Fey up in his arms. Lays her to rest in a Dora blanket and footie pajamas. Her curls are splayed across the pillow, flowers a tangled mess. Her tiny face looking at peace. Craig stays at the table where he was seated. Eyes focused on a poster of a playboy bunny.

Craig keeps his gaze on the barely dressed woman as Kenny pulls out the chair across from him. He hesitates before he grabs onto Craig’s folded hands, his thumb gently rubbing the surface of skin. It’s soothing. Craig thinks he should let go. Knows he should. He doesn’t.

“Why did you ask me to come, Kenny?” Craig questions, he looks at Kenny, finally. He’s not smiling this time, like he always does. He’s looking at Craig like he sees through him. Like he knows all those secrets that have been forever sewn onto Craig’s heart.

“You didn’t have to come. You called me, Craig.”

Kenny squeezes Craig’s folded hands and Craig looks down at them.

It is true.

Craig doesn’t know if he’d say no if the circumstances were different. Had there not been a reason for him to come. He wants to say he wouldn’t. But Kenny’s hand atop his feels right, for some reason.

“I know.” Craig simply states. He closes his brown eyes. Takes a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. He opens them again, and Kenny is still staring. Big blue eyes, blond hair that is so messy and curls around to frame the others face. Soft pink lips.

Craig’s tongue darts out to moisten his lips. It hits him here, he’s pulling on that string. It’s a bit closer. He can’t take his eyes of Kenny’s lips, his eyes. The way everything falls together. His heart is a drum in his ear, again and again. Part of Craig wants to lean in and kiss Kenny. The other part…

“Can I draw you?” Craig blurts out without so much of a thought about it. Kenny blinks, those pink lips parting ever so slightly.

“What?” Kenny pries. He frees one of his hands. Kenny looks like he wants to reach up, brush the few strands of hair that have fallen in Craig’s eyes away. Instead he drops it and digs around in his hoodies pocket. Kenny pulls out the space pen. Passes it to Craig.

“I mean, sure. Why not?” Kenny smiles, and Craig smiles back. He thinks it’s genuine. A truth in a lot of lies.

It’s not a lot, a doodle of Kenny on napkin. Soft, pink lips.

But it’s not nothing.

 


End file.
